Monday, 15 November 2010

• He sits in a small room

  speaking to the voice on the other line,

  we're alike,

  he thinks,

  we're so alike

  isolated in small white rooms,

  these rooms the escape

  from the reality of

  living in the background of

  everyone else in the world

  detached from it

  craving this dream

  of being able to just

  live in a world  of their own

  an escape

  but maybe it's just him

  stumbling through his words

  like in this poem

  trying to reveal what is

  inside, this longing

  this hope, this dream

  of something meaningful,

  not something else,

  not someone else,

  but he says something else,

  he talks about someone else,

  when he tries it's jsut

  so vacant sounding

  so nothing

  then there's no point to any of it

  if it all just remains inside

  it can't even be forgotten

  if it's never even revealed

  but there's so much

  underneath these

  mistakes made, the bluriness

  that emerges out

  of trying to find

  the right words

  to just be real

  this heart is so heavy

  but it's all just

  trapped

  locked,

  lost

  and he's just lying

  here in bed awake

  hours after they hung

  up the phone

  and he can't stop thinking

  about the silence

  between them,

  the complete disconnection

  but something was there

  just a longing in the disconnect

  he wanted

  to say what he felt

  that he needed

  to just nurture

  this man sitting

  in a house when

  everyone else is gone

  but it's not simple, it's not

  simple like that

  and he cannot understand

  that's why he was silent

  nothing would have made it

  better and it reminds him

  that he'll never be able

  that he'll never be it

  he doesn't

  know how to fix it

  it's all just stuck inside

  this big heart

  it's just useless, incapable

  lying here ageing and alone

  there is no way at all

  of fixing

  what is already

  trapped

  what has is already

  locked

  what is already forever

  lost

  what has hope given

  us so far?

  just wandering through

  these days becoming

  months becoming years

  lost in the background

  in seas of people

  you're falling into the ground

  without anyone to pick you up

  no one sees you

  no one

  no person

  nobody

  no one at all

  just close your eyes

  just go to bed

  just fall asleep

  sleep

  like they all are

  • 8:33 AM
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