I'm going back to school in less than two weeks. I still need to register for classes. I didn't do it last semester because I didn't think that I'd be here in 2011, but I am. I decided to stay because I felt financially it might be for the best to just do it. I didn't go home for Christmas and it's beginning to bum me out, seeing all of these photos on facebook of my high school friends together, and then here I am, wishing that I could see them, wishing that I could be apart of their world and that world, but I'm not.

I've shifted my focus or distraction to exercising. I'm trying to run six miles everyday and surprisingly it's been pretty easy to do just do it. I like running, it helps me get out of my head. But I can only run so fast for so long. I keep teasing the idea of Minneapolis bu I haven't done it. But I haven't been so happy here. My self confidence really fell apart last semester, so much so that I pretty much didn't have a friend except for one person. Perhaps apart of that was on my own doing, but I feel like I just haven't found genuine friends like the ones I had back in Minnesota. Everyone is too busy or they have other people to maintain a friendship with me. But I can't blame people. I think I'm reclusive on purpose. I don't think I try as hard to give anymore, though there is so much inside of me that wants to give. I'm just trying to improve as a writer, I'm just trying to be a good student, I am just trying to keep myself on a good path, but all of this existential thinking and isolationism really brings my spirit down. Support is something I've always valued and have tried to give, but for some reason I cannot grasp it as well in the real world as I did once so long ago in the world that I knew as high school. I'm just trying to hold onto what makes me special, but I think I've been questioning what exactly that is for the past nine months and I'm just lost.

I'm sending out mix CDs to my close friends back in Minnesota with songs that are very personal to me. Perhaps it'll give them a glimpse or an idea to the isolating world I live in now.